I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
