whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Never joke about your clitoris.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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