He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
