did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
