It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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