I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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