come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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