White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Ketchup is God's man juice
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
what is it with giant penises always finding me
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
