Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
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