Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
