"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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