i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
