am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
