i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
