can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
