I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Holy sore nipples Batman
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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