I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
