Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
