I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
