The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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