I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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