i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
