Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
