Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
