Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
