drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
