i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
