Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
