You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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