Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
