She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
