I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
