He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
