ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
