I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
