I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
