Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
