Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
