i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
