Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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