I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
