Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
