I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
