im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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