I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
