dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
