whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
