you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
