I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
