You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
