9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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