why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
