Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
