come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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