Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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