If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Even the bartender felt bad for me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
