I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
